A mother’s image

It’s not that I hate being framed by the lens of a camera, rather it’s that I hate what it might “see”.

Out of my profile a nose arcs out like a parrot’s beak. My mouth is typically caught open in a gaping guffaw or wide smile that forces my lips into the shape of a curly bracket } and my cheeks into a featureless beach ball. And, the penance I pay for a lush head of hair? A peach-fuzzed visage topped off with a post-partum shadow over my upper lip. My patchy skin, my short forehead, my bushy eyebrows, my thick neck… the list of critiques is lengthy and I haven’t even begun to describe below my shoulders!

That’s what I see, but this is what she sees:

Higher Ground Women’s Ensemble

Sea to Sky Big Bad joining forces with Higher Ground Women’s Ensemble – Nov 15/17

Am I excited to be part of this? You bet I am! And, when they asked for a brief blog post? I jumped at the chance!

A “Newcomer’s” Perspective

By Betsy Agar

I’m new to Higher Ground, I mean really new. Many members have known one another for years, or even studied under Janet while she taught high school, but I’m an Ontario import with no such history on the North Shore. It hasn’t mattered even an eighth note! More…

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Live within limits without limiting life

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Equality in Engineering

Right down to the chants

People are under the impression that engineering must have been hard for me, being one of few women.

The chants, for example, are notoriously “inappropriate” – the most famous and widely shared being a song about Lady Godiva. (See a fuller, albeit tailored version, by MIT)

But we women were given equal opportunity to be just as rude as the men. We wrote our own chants and they were just as inappropriate and just as funny… for everyone… regardless of gender… and no one celebrated rape.

The UBC Sauder School of Business is reeling from recent revelations about Frosh being taught chants celebrating underaged rape.

Naturally, the university has separated itself from the student chants and suggesting the business school teaches rape is absurd. BUT, before dismissing this as an isolated incident, the school needs to consider the possibility of an underlying divide between “suits” and “skirts”.

The culture of engineering is often assumed to suffer gender division. I made that mistake when I first went to work. I fell into the trap of dressing like my male colleagues, thinking being “one of the guys” was the only way for me to fit in.

I imposed that gender division on myself.

In the end, I finally realised there is no outfit that a rugged pair of coveralls can’t neutralize! I could wear a skirt if I wanted to and still visit sites, climb ladders, and harness myself to scaffolding. I was just like any man who wanted to protect his  3-piece suit, while out in the field.

Reforming the way we view and treat gender does not need to sterilize our differences. I like wearing skirts. I know how to do my work regardless of my attire, just like Swedish train drivers.

They donned skirts to beat the summer heat in protest to their employer’s ban of shorts.

They can do their work better when they are comfortable, and that was worth fighting for. (We have quite a way to go in accepting gender as a continuum rather than binary categories-the shorts ban was quickly lifted.)

In Engineering at McMaster University, I was treated as an engineering student. Nothing else. When I went to work, I had to relearn that. My colleagues didn’t parse me out as a female engineer. They let me decide how to define myself, and they accepted me for my work, not for my anatomy.

I’m not much of a “rah-rah engineering” graduate, but…

Gimme an “E”! Gimme an “N”! …

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Live within limits without limiting life

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Passion over pragmatics

Sometimes I re-watch this when I can’t quite remember the direction I was going:

Swiggtalk chats with Betsy Agar about following your passions, advice on choosing to do what you love, and the many career options available to teen girls. More at http://www.swiggtalk.com

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Live within limits without limiting life

Follow me and check out my new blog! Meat Eating Vegans

Shift the gender paradigm in engineering

Studying for my second-year psych exam and I’m forced to read yet another article on gender differences. This one was slightly more balanced, as the authors considered social influences alongside neuropsychological evidence and the effects of hormones, but as I sit here, a licensed female engineer retraining for a new career, I think they missed the mark.

What a Bitch

I’m reposting a piece I wrote last year about the film The Iron Lady. It seems I’m not alone in my assessment:

Margaret Thatcher died today, but never shall her legacy.

Psst! She may not know it but…

She inspires me to write. Psst! Thank you Louise.

She raises my faith in myself. Psst! Thank you Carolyn.

She pushes me forward. Psst! Thank you Laurel.

She protects me. Psst! Thank you Janice.

She listens and confides. Psst! Thank you Jenn.

She brings me peace. Psst! Thank you Agnes.

She brings me joy. Psst! Thank you Sharon.

She grounds me. Psst! Thank you Karina.

She teaches me to love time spent in my kitchen. Psst! Thank you Steph.

She loves me unconditionally and gives me space simply to be. Psst! Thank you Freda.

She brings the best of my past into my present and future. Psst! Thank you Nicole.

She makes me count my blessings. Psst! Thank you Lucene.

She humbles me. Psst! Thank you Janet.

She opens my mind to other ideas. Psst! Thank you Lisa.

She opens my heart to new experiences. Psst! Thank you Iris.

She quiets my mind so I can listen. Psst! Thank you Michelle.

She gives me a voice so I can sing. Psst! Thank you Bec.

She teaches me love. Psst! Thank you Tanya.

She teaches me compassion. Psst! Thank you Pam.

She works hard, then lets go. Psst! Thank you Meredythe.

She makes me laugh. Psst! Thank you Ally.

She never looks back and has no regrets. Psst! Thank you Ruth.

She shows me how to share my passion. Psst! Thank you Astrid.

She teaches me to be brave. Psst! Thank you Donna.

She lives simply as I aspire to do. Psst! Thank you Dhakshi.

She is patient and I try to be too. Psst! Thank you Heather.

She reminds me to roll with whatever life throws at me. Psst! Thank you Natalie.

She exemplifies strength. Psst! Thank you Melissa.

She is independent. Psst! Thank you Allison.

She is teaches me not to fear my own voice. Psst! Thank you Emily.

She holds my heart and it grows every time she laughs, cries, asks, screams, and even sleeps. Psst! Thank you Rhiannon.

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Live within limits without limiting life

Follow me and check out my new blog! Meat Eating Vegans

Late Night Plays’ Celebrate Mom Contest Entry

Late Night Plays’ Celebrate Mom Contest Entry

My dear sweet friend has nominated me for Dove Canada’s Celebrate Mom Contest. Her entry is eloquently written here:

http://latenightplays.typepad.com/late-night-plays/2012/08/the-strength-of-one-voice.html

Honoured to stand next to the many other inspiring moms across Canada. If the panel of judges choses Louise’s entry, the donation will go to Because I am a Girl, by Plan Canada.

Thanks Lou, you are one of few who leave me speechless.

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Live within limits without limiting life

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Swiggtalk interviews women and shares their stories to inspire young girls

Sometimes I re-watch this when I can’t quite remember the direction I was going:

Swiggtalk chats with Betsy Agar about following your passions, advice on choosing to do what you love, and the many career options available to teen girls. More at http://www.swiggtalk.com

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Live within limits without limiting life

Follow me and check out my new blog! Meat Eating Vegans

BFF

This term evokes eye rolls and summons mental videos of squealing teen girls, but today I get it. I have a BFF, and I realized this while listening to my daughter play with the little girl from up the street.

Our little neighbour brought her doll and some accessories. They’ve set up a house in my daughter’s upper bunk. Those two call on each other to play even if they have only a small window of free time before dinner or some organized sport or class. They had a difference of opinion at some point today that sent the little girl back up the street, but that lasted all of about 20 minutes before they were back giggling and ready for more.